and, as of late, mine stinks!  I'm fine at home, in my refuge, with my people.  OK, I'm having a hard time with the 12 year old, but that's temporary.  I'm in a funk; I get this way occasionally, especially toward the end of the school year when the youth of America also begin to develop an attitude problem.  This, too, shall pass...  My mind has been entertaining ideas such as pursuing National Board certification and/or returning to school for a master's degree in library science.  Does this sound like burnout?  I don't want to burn out.  

The Pioneer Woman had a give-away today for one of three Kitchen Aid mixers.  (Crossing my fingers on this one; the green color is awesome!)  Part of your entry comment was to answer the question, "If you could snap your fingers right now and receive anything you wanted, what would you want?"  Honestly, I would hope that snap could deliver the circumstances we would need in order for me to be a stay at home mom.  That's where my heart is.  I wish someone had encouraged me to think about staying home when I was young, like in junior high or high school.  Instead, we had careers thrown at us as though working outside the home was our only option.  I share these feelings with my girls when it comes up and I have even mentioned this in my classes.  I have the next best thing, though.  I have a schedule that allows me to have hours that are family-friendly.  I won't complain about that.  

I've also been thinking a lot about church lately.  At what point do you decide you need a change?  I like my church.  I like and love the members that I know.  Our pastor teaches from the Word.  My girls have friends there.  It crossed my mind the other day that of the church friends I have, I have been in the home of exactly one.  None have been to my house.  That doesn't sound like solid relationships are forming.  I accept the responsibility for most of that.  I have sort of guarded myself, waiting for the right person to click with.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's because I feel set apart for various reasons.  I know that what I take from church depends on preparing my heart for teaching and for worship.  Jamie doesn't attend church with us.  And, to be honest, I don't see him attending with us here.  I'll pray about it.  I'm even open to breaking away from my Southern Baptist roots if that's what it will take. 

On another note, preschool for Lilah has been on the forefront of my mind this week.  She will actually start kindergarten one year later than we originally thought due to the state changing the age cutoff date to 8/15 this year and 8/1 next year.  Her birthday is 8/30.  She's loved going to Becca's every day and I have loved it, too.  Jamie and I think that it's time to consider a more structured setting, though.  Unfortunately, our little town doesn't offer a lot of options.  I want a true preschool, not a daycare.  We won't pull her out of something good to move and gain nothing in terms of academic development.  If anyone from Alma happens upon this and can recommend a good preschool, let me know.  It needs to be full day.

So, now I'm tired.  I've processed some of my thinking here and that's such a good thing.  I'm trying to start Weight Watchers again (on my own, no meetings) and today was OK.  Jamie did sabotage me by buying one of those caramel candy bars that people sell for fundraisers -- my favorite!  I couldn't hurt his feelings and not eat it!  In reading some other blogs of WW folks, I came across this quote:  "Hunger is not an emergency."  Love it.  I've chanted that in my head all day as I actually found myself getting hungry...not just experiencing a craving or eating out of boredom.