So Much to Say...

February 20, 2014

I'm just full of life-changing thoughts to share with whomever might be reading this!  Just full of them.  But, nothing's organized... So, how about a list of some random things that are filling my head right now?  Good.

1.  I have just over 2 -- count 'em, 2 -- months left before I finish this graduate program.  I have lots to do still, and I'm sure it will all be finished on time.  I need to take a day or two to just be alone and work.  The amount I have left to do just hangs over my head all the time like a dark, gray cloud.  Even when I'm having fun, the idea that I ought to be doing some work just hovers in my mind.  I suppose it will all be worth it, and I've really learned a lot.  Having this degree will open doors for me should I ever decide to leave the classroom, but I am struggling with having the idea of working in any capacity with faculty -- just from my own insecurities.  One of my professors was very complimentary after we spent some time together last week, and that helped boost my confidence...but, still...

2.  Current favorite song:

I need to do more resting in His embrace.  I've been in a little bit of a slump spiritually over the past several months.  There's not any particular reason (I don't think).  People talk about "the dark night of the soul, " but that's not what this was.  I think most believers will experience those times when the Lord is seemingly quiet in their lives -- I believe that more closely describes what this was. In some ways I think I wanted to hang onto my busyness and anxiety and grief and even anger (I was very angry after we lost Dad.  Not at him.  Not at God.  At really silly things).  That doesn't make a lot of sense, I know.  I'm stubborn like that.  Thankfully, I seem to be pulling out of it.  Good thing, too. 

3.  I'm teaching a women's Sunday School class.  Crazy, huh?  I'm really more of a facilitator of the study we're doing -- Chase by Jennie Allen.  If you aren't familiar with Jennie and her teaching, check her out.  Her desire is to "unleash and equip" women of this generation.  A couple of weeks ago that vision began to play out as the If: Gathering was held in Austin.  I so wanted to go.  I was invited to an If: Local gathering in Van Buren, but our weather got bad Friday evening.  And, sometimes you just sense that your place for that moment is at home... So, I checked in frequently on Twitter to see how the weekend was going, and I spent Sunday afternoon and part of Monday evening watching the archives.  The worship was amazing.  The teaching even more so.  All the bloggers and authors that have stirred my heart over the past few years were there -- Jen Hatmaker, Ann Voskamp, Rebekah Lyons, Angie Smith...  The list goes on.  My respect for these women and how they're living out their callings is volumes.  If: Table is an interesting concept for continuing the conversation that began in Austin ( and to include women like myself who were unable to attend), and If: Equip is a daily bible study that literally ten thousand women across the world are doing together.  It's exciting to see this movement begin.  The focus isn't "being a Proverbs 31 woman" or "being the wife he needs" (those things are important, too).  The focus is drawing women together whose hearts desire to know the Lord better and to answer the question "If God is real, then what?"  What do we do?  How do we serve?  How do we live? 

4.  I turned 40.  That's all I have to say about that. Well, of course it's not.  I am both terrified and excited about what the next decade of my life holds.  If my girls do things in a typical way, I may see college graduations, a wedding or two, and possibly even a grandchild (at the end of the decade, please!)  Jamie and I will have more time alone as our girls grow and become even more independent.  He told me tonight he'd just as soon they live here forever.  If they get married, we'll build a compound.  Whatever!  Take flight, my little birds! Live out the adventure that is your one and only life!  I'm trying to have an open mind and not put too many of my own expectations into the next ten years.  In the words of Joe Walsh, "Life's been good to me so far..."

5.  The list of books I want to read is growing almost daily.  Giving too much time to pleasure reading doesn't really jive with my schedule right now.  Despite that, I ordered two books from Amazon today.  I've just got to take advantage of that Prime membership!  Maybe we can talk about books later!

6.  I'm increasingly irritated by other people's bad behavior because, you know, my own is just exemplary.  For example, I saw a vehicle I recognized parked in a handicapped spot the other day. (I'm sure they were just running in super quick!)  This same individual takes great pride in being one who obeys the law all the time.  Like, they make sure everyone understands that about them.  It took everything I had not to call them out.  I still sort of want to.  But, I didn't and I won't. I'm growing up.

I think that's all for tonight :)

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