October 13, 2014

Blogging for 31 days in a row hasn't actually worked for me. I knew it wouldn't. I wanted it to work. I have lots of excuses. I might try again next year. 

I've wasted the almost three hours I've been home this evening. I'm not really in to doing anything productive right now. I have on comfy, lounging clothes. I have my iPad in my hands. Lilah is practicing balk walkovers in a state of undress that would require her to put pants on if some company arrived.Molly  has been fighting with the dog. Jamie is "napping" before he goes to bed. Parker is working. 

I have a cluttered kitchen, two full laundry baskets, a new book on my Kindle app, and three bedroom floors that didn't get vacuumed this weekend. I have a full tummy because I warmed up leftover chicken enchilada soup. My husband has a full tummy because I bought Fruit Loops on Saturday. The little girls enjoyed delicious popcorn shrimp for supper, and we are just calling this "Monday Night Dinner." 

I have a couple of windows open. I have turned on lights because it's getting dark earlier. I have enjoyed the cool, windy, October air. I have put jackets and sweaters back into the rotation. I Googled when Christmas music would begin on Sirius.

This is my most favorite time of year. For me, autumn holds more promise than spring. Anything seems possible when trees change color. Fall holds within it the blessing of Thanksgiving and Christmas, of family and friends and food. Books often seem to read better in the fall. 
Autumn also conjures up feelings of nostalgia for me. Paradoxically, it also stirs up some "what might have beens." In October I'm always ready to pack up and move toward a new adventure, but my roots hold me steady. Is this my version of the cliched mid-life crises? Probably. 

This season in particular finds me stepping out in faith to plan and host an IF:Local gathering in my town. This season finds me researching summer writing workshops. This season finds me planning to order a green cap and gown next week for my first little bird who will fly the nest in August. This season finds me loving so dearly my friends, in all their flavors. 

This season isn't a fairy tale, though. I've stepped out in faith in some things and the enemy has attacked. I've cried lots of tears in October and I've been angry in October and I've felt moments of real hopelessness in October. Life is as difficult as it is wonderful sometimes. I am filled with gratitude for the women I can trust and depend on to carry me in prayer. I don't know how people do without the prayers of faithful friends. 

I am going to continue to enjoy my rainy evening. I'm not going to do much except put my pot of soup back into the fridge and start my book. I'll eventually tuck girls into their beds and leave the hall bathroom light on before I make my way to my bed. I'll leave the bedroom windows open and curl up next to my husband while Lucy settles in at our feet. I'll listen for my big girl to come in, and I'll watch for the porch light to cease shining in at the side window of our bedroom. Then, I'll close my eyes and offer up my praise and thanks to the One who blessed me with this wonderfully comfy evening at home. I'll begin again tomorrow and live another October day.

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