Mean Girls. Good Friends. An Answer?

April 28, 2010

If anyone in the blogosphere comes across this little ol' blog o' mine and has some solid, tried and true advice for raising up girls through their middle school years, please comment!  When these pre-teen dramas pop up, I want to run for the hills -- literally.  I think a homestead setup in the deep woods would be a complete paradise.  We could be self-sufficient for the most part -- anyone remember Mountain Family Robinson?  It was a Disney produced movie from the 70s.  They may have dealt with bears, but those bears had nothing on the modern mean girl.

Now, I'm not so naive nor so biased that I believe my girls will be completely innocent all their lives and not play the mean girl role themselves.  I hope I've taught them better than to resort to that, but every middle school girl has a certain amount of meanness in her.  And, I can promise you (and them) that if mean girl behavior begins to surface it will be shut down immediately! 

Maybe more than dealing with meanness today, my gal is learning to discern what qualities a true friend possesses.  I hope she's learning that the qualities she seeks in a friend should also be the traits she bears.  I hope she looks for friends who are trustworthy, firm in their beliefs, slow to anger, encouraging, honest, and fun.  I hope she also displays these characteristics in her relationships. 

One statement that I hear again and again when moms or others are trying to help a young lady feel better about a situation with a mean girl is, "They're just jealous."  I really hate that.  I have never said that to my girls. Others may be jealous of them at some point in time, but doesn't telling a 12 year old that sort of puff up their ego?  Many times people are mean just because they don't like you.  Period.  Or they're mean because they have their own issues to deal with.  Those issues are their problems.  I really don't want my girls thinking that every time someone is ugly to them it is because they're jealous of them.  I could really get going here on moms and their contributions the mean girl madness, but I won't.  I can think of two moms I know whom I have rarely had a conversation with that didn't involve them initiating some discussion or gripe fest about one of our girls' friends.  Different friends, different days -- always makes me sick.  During those times I am thankful that PJB doesn't share every detail of the happenings at school with me.  I don't think I would like anyone if she did!  These moms don't.

Tomorrow will be a better day for her and in a couple of days everything will return to normal.  It's hard to sit back and watch your baby learn these lessons.  My "momma bear" wanted to come out tonight, but I kept her in hibernation.  The good news is that by the time PJB has outgrown most of this, Molly will just be starting.  : /  And then we'll have a few peaceful years before Lilah hits that age.  Whew!

In other news, I had a better time at church tonight than I have in months.  Isn't that funny?  I had resolved myself to stay and not visit anywhere else until after VBS (which I'm really excited about -- I have Lilah's class).  Prayer meeting was about hindrances to prayer.  I struggle with doubt -- not doubting that God can, but that He will.  I need to pray for faith.  Molly had a great time; Lilah had a great time.  Little things that they said and little things that people said to me make me believe that God would have me here.  PJB, sadly, didn't have too great a time as the drama continued to unfold at church.

Tomorrow is Thursday!  It's late.  My man is ready for me to rub his back.  Good night.

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