Meltdown, Confession, Not Fair

May 02, 2012


I entered full-on momma meltdown mode yesterday after school.  Now that I'm about 24 hours post-meltdown, I can look back at the whole episode with more clarity that I had at the time.  What I've learned is this: 

1.  I am just as selfish as I accuse my teenager of being.
2.  Pride precedes a fall.  (I'd been a little proud of my excellent parenting of late.  Ha.)
3.  May and the winding down of the school year is probably the most stressful month of the year for me.
4.  Words hurt and I can be vicious.
5.  I won't magically wake up with a different attitude.  In fact, I was still inclined toward anger this morning.  The absolute only way for me to get over it (actually, get over myself) is to ask God to work in me -- sooner rather than later.

The damage has been done and I really hope that my big girl (and my little ones as they did not escape Mom's fit) will extend much grace my way.  It's days like yesterday that keep us humble.  In my "About Me" section, I mention that I'm still a work in progress and I am.  Sadly, my progress slows down at times and even stops altogether occasionally.  Maybe some of you can relate.


See "Meltdown."  I ended up just putting it all right there. 


In class, we're working on wrapping up our final three assignments/projects.  One of those is our annual writing of This I Believe essays.  I love how smart I feel when I've been spending quality time with NPR.  Just FYI. 

One of the first things I do with my kids to get them thinking about what they believe is give them a simple list of "Agree" or "Disagree" statements.  As the list goes on, the statements have increasingly more gray area, but they have to choose to agree or disagree.  One of the first statements is "Life is fair."  Most everyone disagrees with this idea, but I generally have one or two students in each class who agree. 

I disagree.  Life really isn't fair.  A wife and husband of lots of years have separated due to infidelity.  Just last Thursday, one of Molly's friends lost her little sister.  Their father accidentally backed over the three year old who had gotten out of the car without his knowing.  Not fair.  My mom's sweet and wonderful friend lost her 27 year old granddaughter (whom she raised) in a car accident.  Not fair.  I've just really been thinking about these two situations a lot and I'm overwhelmingly filled with what I guess I would call gratitude (even though that doesn't feel like the right word) about how Lilah's accident worked out last November.  Praise you, Lord. 

There are so many other ways life isn't fair.  It's obvious to me in the students I teach.  Their family histories, their economic situations, their lack of access to technology and books, their limited experiences outside of Crawford county... the list goes on.  I'm becoming increasingly aware of how important it is that I provide an education for them that offers them opportunities and exposure to a world outside their four walls.  Sound a little cheesy?  Maybe.  It's difficult to believe life can be different when you don't know anything different. 

Maybe I'll work on something a little more upbeat for next post...  In the meantime, I'll consider Ann Voskamp's words, "All is grace."


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